The Real Problem In the Relationship Isn't Him

Let’s get honest for a minute. (This one might sting)

You might think the biggest problem in your relationship is him. He’s not doing enough. He’s not saying the right things. He’s not showing up the way you think he should.

But what if the problem isn’t him… What if the real issue is the silent, invisible energy you’re bringing into the relationship—judgment?

Because here’s the truth: When you constantly judge your husband for not being more like the “perfect” version of you—more organized, more affectionate, more ambitious, more [insert whatever you think he should be]—you’re not seeing him for who he actually is. 

And here is where it gets tricky: That judgment energy? It doesn’t just sit quietly in the background. It shapes your tone, your expectations, and your connection. It creates distance. Resentment. Frustration. And guess what? You get that same energy right back. You’re stuck in a cycle—judging him, feeling disappointed, pulling back emotionally—and then wondering why you don’t feel deeply connected.

But imagine this: What if, instead of focusing on what he’s not, you appreciated him for what he does bring to the table? What if you stopped measuring him against an impossible standard and started seeing him as the unique, imperfect, amazing person he is? Because when you shift from judgment to appreciation, everything changes. Your energy softens. The connection deepens. And suddenly, the man you’ve been wishing for starts showing up—not because he changed, but because you did.

The energy you give is the energy you get.

So, the next time you catch yourself in judgment, pause and ask: Am I seeing him for who he is—or who I want him to be? Your relationship might just transform in ways you never expected.

With love, Jenn